After Covid-19, and with many commenting that mental health issues are on the rise, there has never been more of a need for mental health education (and mental health professionals) for teachers and school staff who are working with our youth.
I hear many stories of students who are overstimulated, overwhelmed, angry, dysregulated, and frustrated in their classes, and their teachers who do not feel prepared to deal with the intensity of their students' emotions; Teachers who end up struggling to understand what is happening for their student(s), and who are unable to respond appropriately because the have a classroom of other students that they have to attend to. It's a very difficult situation to be in for all parties involved and can leave both the students and the teachers feeling hopeless that anything will ever change, and wondering if they will ever get the support that they need.
While I am sure that many would agree with me when I say that the education system should be utilizing therapists and counsellors for both staff and student, I want to take a moment to offer 3 simple tools for responding to a student (or anyone, really) who is verbally expressing heightened emotions...
1. Be curious about their emotions. Ask questions about the nuances of their feelings, about their somatic experience of their emotions, or about their history with that emotion. The questions are endless. Just be curious and non-judgemental. Simply talking about the situation and feelings can often be the healing part.
2. Repeat/reflect their emotions back to them. Show them that you were paying attention. Use their words or imagery. Let them hear their own emotions coming from the mouth of someone else. They need to feel heard, not challenged.
3. Offer your own emotions to them. How did you feel when you heard them express such sadness? Were you sad too? Did it sound painful or scary to you? How would you feel if you were in their situation? Trapped? Scared? Angry? Tell them that, while focusing on their experience. It can be healing and helpful to know that someone cares, and it shows that you're actually processing the important parts of what they're saying.
4. Don't be afraid of the more intense emotions. If a teen really needs help, they may say some scary stuff to you (ex. they may mention suicide or self harm). While you can still remind them of your duty to report these things, it is important to treat these feelings with the same level of calm and compassion that you would treat any other feeling. They are telling you to see if you care enough to help them, but they also need you to stay regulated in the moment. Practice skills 1-3 here.
5. Don't correct them. You might know that the teacher they are complaining about is not trying to make their life more difficult, but telling them that isn't useful. They won't believe you, and it will only convince them that you are not safe to vent to. Challenging them can come with time, but you need to create that safety first, and convince them that you're on their team. Simply listen and practice skills 1-4.
Whether this sounds easy or difficult, it might help to remember that the goal is simply to hold space for the person's emotions. When the very foundation of the worldview you have built to keep you safe is comprised of painful experiences and loneliness, a single kind teacher (who's job it is to judge your performance all day) can create a corrective experience. Although it isn't likely to suddenly leave the student feeling safe enough to change their worldview, it can create a small crack in the walls around them.
As teachers, you might want to care for them AND challenge them, but this can be difficult when the child is feeling like they are ONLY challenged at by their parents (speaking on behalf of many teens who are not supported at home).
Important note: I don't say this to dishearten you, educators and parents, and I certainly don't intend for any teachers to feel like they have to be a parent to their students. I say this only to help you feel like you have more tools to support your teens find safety and regulation with you (which inevitably helps everyone).
