What is validation? A quick google search will describe it as such:
"the action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something, the action of making or declaring something legally or officially acceptable, and the recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile."
How about Gaslighting?:
"Psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories..." - Merriam Webster
That last point is what I want this blog to focus on, as I often see "gaslighting" used in Pop Psychology.
As people begin to use the term "gaslighting" and "invalidating" more often, it is becoming more and more important to look at what these terms mean, and the role of each in our relationships. Although, the concept is quite simple (and the google definition summarizes it quite nicely), the real question people seem to be struggling with is when is it applicable?
If someone claims they felt anxious at a concert, and someone tells them that they were fine, is that gaslighting? Yes! - that was an easy one. Why? Because anxiety is an internal experience, so it cannot be perceived or confirmed by anyone other than the one experiencing it. Was it also invalidating? Yes, again, because it is an internal experience.
How about if someone claims that another person's words harmed them? Can we correct that?
No, once again becuase psychological harm is an internal experience...Now, if that same person claims that the offender intended to cause harm, is it gaslighting or invalidating if someone disagrees?
No. Nobody can know the intent of the offender except for the offender themself.
If someone says that they saw 4 firetrucks arrive at a scene, and someone else corrects them by saying it was 6...is that gaslighting? Not necessarily. The amount of firetrucks present at a scene is not an internal experience, so it only becomes gaslighting if there is video evidence of the scene in its entirety - with 4 trucks the whole time - and the correcter still insists that there was 6 (as perception is an internal experience, but does not supercede external proof). Until video (external) evidence is present, however, gaslighting is not present in this scenario.
All this to say, remember that gaslighting is only present when an external source attempts to correct the internal experience of another source, and - as always - our perspective is not always true.
Jenna Hill
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